Being big

16 Aug

Ok time for a bit of honest talking…

I got back in touch with an old friend about seven years ago, we hadn’t seen each other since leaving school at sixteen, the email conversation turned to what we now looked like, he had met up with another old male friend I knew a few weeks before who had also put on weight.

He decided to grade the weight gain in relation to football teams, he classified our other friend as ‘first division’, I realised that I was actually bigger than him so I unfortunately had to take the ‘premiership’, it felt awful, I will never forget it, I didn’t do anything about it however?

A couple of years ago, a car almost knocked me down in a supermarket car park, I protested verbally, the driver shouted an expletive that ended with ‘Fat Cow’ – that really hurt, I sat in the car and cried. Not because I was upset, rather that I was angry that I was a ‘Fat Cow’.

I was in bed with someone, he said, ‘you’re a big girl but I really fancy you’, now on the one hand, how lovely, he liked me for who I was, on the other I was screaming inside that I didn’t want to be a big girl?

I wasn’t being honest with myself about how I looked or how I felt about it, I hadn’t been honest for over a decade. That was about to change, it was a turning point, I might be being loved for who I was now, but I didn’t love myself very much at all.

Ask yourself, how do you really feel about being big?  Like me, are there things that have happened to you or been said that really stick in your mind?

Be very honest?

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