Why did it take me so long?

23 Mar

One of the things that I often ponder is why it took me until I was 42 to do anything about my weight. Well firstly it’s was never just about my weight, thanks to some professional help I’ve been having over the last couple of months it’s clear now that the overeating was purely a symptom of a bigger emotional challenge for me.

Never under-estimate the impact that not dealing with emotional issues can have on your physical well-being.

The help has been amazing, it does feel as though my brain has been re-programmed to a degree, it costs some money but has been invaluable in being able to move forwards, I thought that I was actually in a good place and in a whole lot of ways I was however there was always going to be something that sat in the shadows threatening to scupper all my good work. The work I had done had enabled me to be able to lose all the weight I have and to build my self-esteem again but to make sure I was able to carry on I did need to make sure I dealt with everything and not hide anymore. I’d built some layers into ‘me’ as a coping mechanism but until I stripped these way, I was living with some risks and to be totally honest I was probably not being as much ‘me’ as I could be.  

My little black clouds were also caused by just being a girl, and as I’ve got older my hormones were starting to declare war so if I was in the wrong part of my cycle and also struggling with my other issue all hell was likely to break out, this situation couldn’t really be allowed to continue.

So now thanks to a very understanding GP and another therapist I have made massive steps forwards, the world feels a whole lot brighter and I am now more in control of my feelings which is incredibly liberating.

What I now know is that for years I wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with my issues – depression, self-esteem problems, and a whole host of things (some of which had been around for donkey’s years) were all sitting in the way of being able to change,

I did start to make some headway before I actually started to shrink, I did feel better about myself but it was only once I could see the beginnings of a physical change that it hit home that I was making progress and was ready to move it further forwards.

The one thing I can’t stress enough is that for so many people a ‘struggle’ with their weight is down to deeper issues, until you deal with them, you either won’t make any progress or the struggle will continue and the weight will go back on. It isn’t easy to admit to, or to deal with however the rewards are beyond words and worth all the effort. Often though you can’t force the situation, it does sometimes have to happen in its own good time for it to work properly but don’t be afraid to ask for help – that’s what makes you strong! It is NEVER a sign of weakness to ask for help. The other important thing to remember is that only YOU can make the change, it is up to you to take responsibility and to make it happen but it can be done.

Over the last couple of years I’ve talked about my issues a lot more and found that others too are experiencing the same thing. For me being smaller means being happier because I can do so much more. I never realised what I was missing out on so much when I was bigger, emotionally and physically – the change is massive, overwhelming but so good.

So that is the long answer.  Do I have regrets that it took so long, no, not really, what I went through had made me the person I am today and it was worth waiting for in the end. I’m lucky in a way that I have averted the health issues I did have, however I do realise that had I waited much longer it may have been more difficult. But I can’t change the past only the future so regrets are pretty useless really.

My advice though is to deal with issues early on, don’t let them become an ingrained part of your life so it takes more time for them to be able to be sorted out. Don’t concentrate just on losing the weight, it is really important to understand why you got big in the first place and stayed that way if you’re going to be successful – I promise you it will be worth it and the sooner you’re able to do it, you’ll be able to turn your health around!

And I really love ‘me’ now!

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