Archive | September, 2012

After Dark

16 Sep

Last night in memory of my dad, with my sister and her friend we hiked 15k across the Marlborough Downs, raising money for the Hospice who looked after dad and perhaps getting rid of some of the tension. It was fun, when you’re walking up hills in the dark it’s easier, you can’t see the top so you just keep on going! Sore left hip by the end but not feeling too bad today and importantly we raised money that will make a real difference.

I am stressed, it’s a feeling I’ve never really experienced before, it’s actually at times a physical pain.

Walking over the summer has helped, I plug into a playlist and set off, there have been times when I’ve walked stressed, resulting in a lot of lower back pain, thankfully I have a lovely lady who gets rid of the knots with a good massage. I’ve learnt to be careful that I don’t walk if things are really bad, there’s a real risk of injury and it’s not worth it if I want to continue exercising.

I’m so thankful for my fitness though, it’s kept me going, I’ve needed stamina to keep going, I’m pleased I started walking before all this happened but I started in the Spring when the days were long, now Autumn is upon us, last week I walked after work and as I was getting home at 730pm it was beginning to get dark, it was also raining!

So what will I be able to do over the winter, I hope I will keep on walking, I’m planning to up the gym sessions as I know the benefit of strength work now, I will also be back in the pool!

What this experience has done though is to start the thought processes again, as many of you know I started to consider what was important in life last year, I had hoped that I’d made some good decisions but it’s looking like I was wrong, it could be that I’m now just a different person and my values has been reassessed again but I do need to make some changes in what my future looks like.

Someone told me in the Spring that they loved my positive outlook and tweets, life looked pretty exciting then, it’s shocking to me still what a few short months can do. Life is different now and my confidence that life can be good and that you don’t get knocked down when it is, has been rocked to the core. I’ve accepted that it may take some time before I can get that back, it is early days and I have hope that the positive, confident, bubbly me will come back but in order for that to happen I know some changes will have to be made.  I like to think they’ll be positive.



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